Category Archives: Client Copia

Over the years I have had all kinds of crazy stuff said to me by clients. Here are some gems.

But they charge me €25 when I walk through the door

I had a client call me today to tell me her email was not working. Usually what I do is establish if they have internet. If they do, I will initiate a remote connection to their computer and diagnose the issue.

My first question was “Do you have internet”.

Client: “No, the send and receive does not work”.

Me: “Actually, to determine if you have internet access, the easiest way is to open your web browser and type a web site name like www.google.com and if the site appears, then you have internet. Can you try that?”

(I can hear typing and mumbling going on over the phone.)

Client: “That does not work and I still cant send and receive email”

Me: “Well I am afraid I cant really help you because I don’t provide your internet access, only the email service itself and you need internet first before you can connect to the service, hence the error when clicking send and receive, becasue you have no internet”

Client: “So what do I do?”

Me: “Check all your cables are connected correctly etc and that your router is on, if you have done all of that and still no internet, then you need to contact the company that provides your ADSL service”

Client: “Contacting the provider is useless, they are slow and take ages and I need my internet now, what other options do I have?”

Me: “You can always find a local IT company to diagnose the issue.”

Client: “Yes but they will charge me for that. As soon as I walk through the dorr they will charge me 25 euros to fix it, in fact even they are going out of business because no-one wants to pay them for fixing their computer issues”.

(I am thinking at this point the client is a bit mental)

Me: “Do you have a friend who is knowledgeable in troubleshooting internet connection issues who can come over and look at your setup?”

Client: “No, and I dont know how to do it myself”

Me: “I am sorry but the only options are the ones I have given you. If you had internet I could probably assist you via remote connection, but without it, I cant do much from here”.

Client: “Okay. I will try and fix it myself and if I have problems I will let you know”

Yeah….ok…….try and call me……thank goodness for call screening!

On Spec? Errr…Dont Call Me, I will Call You Okay?

I just got off the phone with Justin who mentioned to me that he had posted a video on his blog and that I would really relate to it and have a great laugh when I watched it.

The video below pretty much sums up what I go though every week with some clients who want me to do work “on spec” and how zany these people sound.

If you are a self employed web designer, programmer or graphics designer then you will relate to this straight off.

If you are a client, more than likely you wont “get it” and think everything sounds completely reasonable.

:o)

Ok Thanks!

I had an old client email me today and tell me……

CLIENT: “The ordering process in our website is not working at the last step. One of our products will be featured in a big website so we will probably receive orders from there. And the final step of ordering is not working. Can you please check this and see if it can be sorted asap?”.

Its no problem, I did not actually design the web site myself and the client cant go back to the old designer because he fell out with them so he is asking me because I am a nice guy, which I am, but my time is not free and I am a busy guy, so I sent back the following email….

ME: “Dear X, My normal rates are €50 per hour and Emergency rates are €100 per hour. If you wanted me to look at it today and tell you where the problem is, the charge would be €100. I would also tell you how long it would take to fix.

I am actually booked out for appx 8 weeks anyway but I can check it out for you today for a fee of €100.

Let me know and I can send you an invoice and look at the issue right away for you”.

A few minutes later I get an email back saying…

CLIENT: “Ok Craig Thanks”.

Errr…? thanks what exactly? Kind of a “damned if you do and damned if you dont” situation I guess, so I sent back another email.

ME: “Hi X, Which one do you mean exactly? – “Ok thanks for letting me know but no thanks” or “ok thanks please raise an invoice and fix the problem for me”?”

Still waiting for a response! (so we can guess which one it was then).

Why cant people just be a “little” more descriptive rather being so cryptic in responses?

Am I not deemed important enough for a more extensive response?

Spam being defiantly not blocked

Okay. Here is a sample of one of the stranger support requests that I get. You should know that I have not changed the spelling or grammar in any way.

I have only removed the identifying information to guard the clients privacy and well, err.. embarrassment.

Seriously, I have not made this up!

Email from Client: Im back meeting Justin fir morning ,,I have a slight hitch, mail received from sales@***.com is now for some reason Unknown to me diverting to my spam box,,I have checked my blocked senders and sales@***.com is defiantly not blocked so why is it going to spam instead of my inbox

Me back to client: Do you mean the spambox in Outlook?

Email back from client a few minutes later: Craig thanks mate, problem solved ,,it was blocked both addresses, but not by me or my secatary amazing!!??

WTF? I am just glad its solved because I could get some serious brain damage if I hade to decipher all of that again.

I think its blackmail

OK. here is an email from a client this morning and it just shows how dumb some of them think I am.

Craig,

I think we owe you €845 and whenever another supplier has an overdue invoice, he asks, and we pay.

This is not acceptable that our clients cannot see our site if we owe you a bit of money. It is blackmail and i don’t like it!

Of course my immediate reaction was “how bizarre and confusing” and you will understand if you read on.

Well, we sent 5 reminders to this client plus the original request for payment over the period of 21 days requesting payment for the web design work we had done and delivered.

I need to point out that :

  • they had signed off on the project agreeing to all the terms.
  • on sign off they agreed to pay as soon as the site was live (but we gave them an extra 7 days anyway)
  • we put their completed site up in good faith despite not being paid the final amount as agreed in sign off

So 3 days before payment was due, a friendly reminder went out saying the invoice was due in 3 days.

On the day payment was due, an email went out reminding them that the invoice was due and needed to be paid.

7 Days after that we sent another reminder.

No response. No payment. Site is still live on the internet.

After a few more days, a second reminder goes out.

Again. No response. No payment. Site is STILL live on the internet.

On day 21, we send another third reminder.

No response. no payment site is still out there.

So on day 22, I turned the web site off.

Guess what! on day 24, I get an email saying:

For the last couple of days our website is not functioning, Is there any problem ? Could you please sort it out and send me and email when our website is working again ??

I look forward to hearing from you.

Best regards,

Ah, now a little action, some response, you are all alive then. It only took 5 emails and turning your web site off to get a reaction.

I sent the following back to the client.

The web site was automatically deactivated once the invoice was 21 days overdue.

The following invoice needs to be settled before we can reactivate the web site.

[link to invoice was here]

As agreed, once the invoice is paid, we will reactivate the site and make any final changes to the site once you are ready.

We do accept credit cards if you are in a hurry to get the site live again.

I then got back the original email saying we are blacklisting them etc.

I mean, what are people thinking?

If I went to pick up my moped after it was in for a service and tried to collect it without paying, then I would be told to f*ck off I think.